Kardashians:
So in true Kardashian/Jenner fashion the family has some more obnoxious and unsurprising news: Kendall Jenner is considering a modeling career over going to college-SHOCKER! Oh.My.God. Make these insanely stupid people stop! Kendall you better not just be considering, but fully HOPING that you’ll have something to do after high school, because college is not happening for you my dear. Let’s just let Kourtney keep claiming to be the ‘book smart’ one in the family because that joke writes itself! If Kourtney is the smart one…woah.

Also, I don’t care to comment long on the fact that Rob Kardashian went to USC on account of his father being an alumni and having the money to pay for it. When he was on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ he would be asked a simple question like ‘Rob, how do you feel your dance compared to the other dances tonight’ and undoubtedly his statements always ended and began with ‘Well since I graduated from USC…’ Umm, I’m sorry that wasn’t the right answer Rob. Get over yourself.

Jessica Simpson:

In others news, doctors are worried for the health of Jessica Simpson’s baby since she’s been packing on the baby weight. When I say ‘doctors’ I’m clearly referring to the made up doctor sources that the tabloids claim to know and quote. Either way, I have to agree with the fake doctors cause J. Simpson is really packing on the pounds. She wrote on her Twitter that ‘Mac and cheese is the breakfast of champions.’ I’m not sure which is more inappropriate: Jessica’s baby weight or my craving for Mac and cheese ALL the time now. Ughhh, damn you Jessica.